13 December 2009

A little update

So I've been thinking about stuff lately (what's new?!). Namely, where I'm going, where my site is going, and what my purpose is in all this. Do I want to target the mass consciousness and keep unravelling media lies? Should this be yet another conspiracy website reporting on the latest alternative news headlines, or should I take things in a different direction? At the moment I'm not sure, so I'm sort of stuck in the middle. But I'm thinking I would like to start veering away from hardcore conspiracy stuff in the New Year. I've had this debate with myself so many times - am I striking the right balance between being aware of what's going on, and yet still staying sane? Am I simply buying into another illusion by what I'm doing? I always tell myself I can handle all this conspiracy research, but then I keep reading shit like this and getting really upset/agitated..... and this agitation filters through into my day-to-day consciousness. It can't be healthy. I read a profound quote the other day that went: "You can be right in the outer things you criticize but not be right in your motives and vibration". That hit me hard, and it's something I will bear in mind when thinking about a possible new direction for my website. So watch this space!

Besides doing too much introspection, I also just spent two hectic but wonderful weeks at a little Steiner school doing observation and a little bit of teaching practice. All the children's activities are imbued with a sense of fun and personal development, rather than just pumping facts into their heads. It was lovely to watch. On the last day they made me a Christmas card and sang me some carols, which was very sweet. I must say though, I would love to just cancel Christmas this year. I keep trying to make myself buy cards and things for people, so as not to disappoint anyone, but as soon as I set foot in the shops I'm like "NOOO!" and want to run out again. The atmosphere is oppressive; going to the local shopping mall is like stepping into the inner circle of hell. Yeah, I'm becoming increasingly cynical in my old age. Until next time!....

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