Dark Night of the Soul

Wow. I've been having a major (well, major in my world) crisis the past week or so. Just feeling physically, mentally and spiritually exhausted, a little bit crazy, chaotic thoughts, apathetic, and tons of self-doubt on top of it all. It's one of those phases that feels absolutely terrible and like it's going to last forever, but there's a glimmer of hope in the back of your mind that if you get through this, you might just come out the other side and have a major breakthrough. Maybe it's just crazy me who goes through these trials, I don't know. I think "dark night of the soul" is a fitting term, and in fact, this entire year has pretty much been a dark night of the soul for me, although don't get me wrong - there have been a lot of high points too.

The timing of this particular episode seems significant; I was meant to be attending a spiritual conference all weekend, the first one I ever felt drawn to go to. But as it happened, I simply felt too exhausted to go in the end, and was in no mood to talk about spiritual stuff at all. Did this mood just 'come over me' to prevent me going to a potentially transformative event? Or was it a helpful warning of sorts? I don't know. Perhaps it was just coincidence. I also wondered if my university course was getting too much for me - as of September I'm studying a degree in Steiner education and I feel I've found my niche, or at least I've found the only university course that wouldn't leave me tearing my hair out within five minutes. Still though, I have felt oddly claustrophobic/restrained/frustrated at times now that I'm back in academia. But maybe that's a personal weakness. Overall I really like the new direction my life is taking.

Anyway, enough of this introspection. Hopefully one day soon I'll get around to writing about stuff which may actually be useful to someone.