So much to say...

I've resisted posting anything for a little while because so much has changed for me so rapidly that I don't know how to communicate it. I have an overwhelming abundance of ideas that I want to get out, but because I'm so short of time lately, it's easier to just not write anything. I will be motivated again soon though. In fact, the entire blog will need to be overhauled, to reflect the fact that I'm a totally different person from when I began all this. My priorities have changed. Everything has changed.

Watch this space.

Principles of Yin & Yang in Healing

I haven't written much about health on this blog, not because it doesn't interest me, but mainly because of my background: low self-esteem and health challenges during my teen years led to an obsession with being healthy, which manifested as a mild eating disorder (I say 'mild' because it never threatened my life, but it did give me a totally warped and unhealthy relationship with food), and then the pendulum swung the other way and I became anti-anything that sounded like a diet, and adopted the non-judgemental attitude of "Who am I to tell anyone else what's healthy". I still loathe the diet police and think most mainstream nutritional advice is pretty skewed, but just recently I've become drawn to the macrobiotic philosophy, which is usually thought of as just "a diet" but it actually arises out of the broader, more universal concepts of Yin & Yang energy. Interpreted correctly, this knowledge leads to empowerment, not to prescriptive diet rules. I'm just getting to grips with it so by writing this I'll help myself and hopefully others too.

Despite my hostility for diet dogma, I've been a nutrition geek for years, reading up on everything from Weston Price to Ray Peat to raw vegan gurus to Jan Kwasniewski (all of whom have interesting and valid ideas by the way). Generally though, most nutritional information you will come across is based solely on the physical aspects of food and human biology, and excludes the spiritual dimension. If you study nutrition from a physical perspective only, you will probably end up thoroughly confused (as I did) about what constitutes the ideal human diet; there are so many conflicting ideas and half-truths in the realm of nutrition that it boggles the mind. Matt Stone of 180 Degree Health does an admirable job of sorting the wheat from the chaff in that regard.

But what if nutrition and health are not just physical matters? Getting back to macrobiotic philosophy - it assesses foods according to the balance of Yin & Yang energies contained therein. The idea of Yin & Yang originates from Oriental philosophy, where they are seen as complementary interacting forces that make up the universe (note: they are NOT analogous to 'good & evil'). Yin is passive, expansive, feminine, and cool; Yang is active, contracted, masculine, warm. Applied to nutrition, this knowledge can help us choose foods that will balance us according to our constitution, health condition, climate, and our physical, mental & spiritual requirements. Examples of predominately yin foods would be watery and potassium-rich fruit, raw foods, sugar, and alcohol - as a rule, foods that grow in warm (yang) climates. Foods predominant in yang energy are more dense and salty, like meat, fish, eggs, and cheese. For those living in a temperate climate, the most balanced foods are locally-grown, properly cooked grains and vegetables. None of this is supposed to be diet dogma though, it just serves as a guideline and a means of understanding the effects of different foods on our bodies. This philosophy helps to explain, for example, why the Inuit people can thrive on an extreme diet of nearly all animal products (the yang diet balances the extremely yin climate in which they live), and why strict vegetarians can become ungrounded (too yin) thanks to their yin diet. It also explains certain phenomena that I've observed: people who've gorged on a rich, meat-heavy yang diet all their lives can find that miracles happen when they go on a cleansing raw vegan diet, but for someone who's already done a lot of detoxing and tends towards being yin, such a diet can leave them feeling ungrounded and ill - but because of misinformation, they'll persist with a diet like that because it's seen as the ultimate healthy thing to do.

In my own case, being naturally very yin in my constitution (i.e. introverted, passive, melancholic, and I admit, sometimes ungrounded ;) ) for some reason I'm attracted to yin foods as well, and would rather have a vegetarian meal - or worse, a sugar binge - than meat, any day. But I need dense protein foods to ground me and give me the strength I need to function on this earth and not float away into the clouds as I am inclined to do. The past year or two I've also felt that it was necessary for my overall healing to 'yang up my life' and socialise more, in order to overcome the extreme yin introversion that was characteristic of my temperament before. It's all been part of the journey of stepping out of my comfort zone and experiencing newfound growth and healing along the way.

Actually, that's been a big theme for me recently: opposites, specifically, doing the opposite of my natural tendency. If my inclination is to stay in and be alone - I go out and meet people. If my instinct in a situation is to feel embarrassed or hurt, I try to feel confident and strong instead. If my instinct towards someone is to dislike or find fault with them, I love them and focus on their positive qualities. Obviously I can't do this all the time, and sometimes it wouldn't be right to do it anyway, as my intuition might tell me not to do something for my own good - and I'm not going to ignore my intuition. But in many cases, conditioning and/or habit are the only forces that drive you to act or react in a certain way, and it can be good for your development to overcome those forces by doing the exact opposite of what they dictate.

And on that slightly tangential note, I conclude my introduction to Yin & Yang. Next time, I'll try and tie all this in with the concepts of Christ, Ahriman and Lucifer - my latest fascination. For now, if you're interested in macrobiotic philosophy for healing, then I recommend:

Yin & Yang Healing and Modified Macrobiotics by Dr Lawrence Wilson

Healing with Whole Foods by Paul Pitchford

Macrobiotics at Wholesome Balance

A Cosmic Perspective

I was just remarking to a friend that reading Rudolf Steiner's body of writings has really given me an insight into the evolution of human consciousness. People generally are so immersed in and almost blinded by the prevailing worldview of their era, they forget that ~all of this~ is just a blink of an eye in cosmic terms. We have our way of relating to the world, and bygone civilisations and peoples had totally different views of the world, and one isn't necessarily more right or more advanced than another.... just different. We're arguably more advanced technologically and intellectually now than in any other period in recorded history (with that said, I'm inclined to believe in 'lost civilisations' like Atlantis ;) ) but in so becoming we've had to sacrifice our connection with nature and our spiritual awareness. Time will tell if we can reclaim those gifts.

People don't HAVE to inherit society's worldview, sacred cows, or whatever beliefs and customs are fashionable at the time. What you perceive isn't a given; in fact I'm increasingly coming to believe that perception is an active, not a passive process. If we wanted to, we could create a totally different society - one centred on human relationships instead of economic growth perhaps. This goes back to the Paradigm Conspiracy quote in my previous post, about how most people are funnelled (largely by our education system) into a narrow worldview that tells them they merely have to find their place in the society that exists, to imitate what's already there rather than creating anew. That's why this quote from Steiner on education struck a chord with me:

"The question is not: what knowledge or skills does a person need to have in order to benefit the existing social order. But: what predisposition does this person have, and what is capable of development? Then it will be possible to channel new energies from the rising generation into the social order. Then the rising generation will not be fitted into the mould of the existing society, rather society will be what these newly recruited adults make of it" [Rudolf Steiner, quoted from my book on Language Teaching in Steiner Schools].

Anyway, my main message for today is: no matter how enlightened or educated your view of the world may be, it's still just one person's perspective, conditioned by personal experience and the prevailing beliefs of the society you grew up in. Contrary to popular opinion, i.e. that we're at the pinnacle of human evolution and we have the most advanced, objective and scientific understanding of how the world works........really, our heads are in a box.

The Paradigm Conspiracy

I'm just finishing off the final chapter of an ambitious and thought-provoking book entitled "The Paradigm Conspiracy: Why Our Social Systems Violate Human Potential - and How We Can Change Them" by Denise Breton and Christopher Largent. Erudite, accessible, broad in scope and judiciously peppered with quotes from mystics, physicists, biologists, philosophers, psychologists and consciousness researchers, this book has given me much to ponder in the past few weeks; in short, if you've ever felt that there's something very wrong with the way the world works, but are unable to put your finger on what it is, if you've been plagued by the eternal question "but what can we DO?!?!?" then The Paradigm Conspiracy might set you on your way to finding answers.

The book begins with the premise that the ever-increasing prevalence of substance addiction is a symptom of a sick society. The underlying cause, according the the authors, is the flawed paradigm (paradigm being loosely defined as a mental model or way of viewing the world) upon which our social systems - family, government, church, education, medicine - are founded. Taking the 12-step recovery programme as a model, the authors propose their ideas for revolution - a paradigm shift.

Although it's difficult for anyone to define what the current paradigm is, given that it's such a vague and intangible thing, the authors do a good job of pinpointing some of the false, usually unquestioned assumptions that underpin our society. They refer to it in general terms as the "control paradigm", i.e. the prevailing view that lack of control can only lead to anarchy & chaos, so it's justified for the few to rule over the many. The authors point out that soul qualities like individuality & creativity, being unpredictable and potentially transformative, are too dangerous to the control paradigm, so the controllers have no option but to deny and suppress our souls in order to maintain the power structure. But the price we pay for order & stability in a tightly-controlled world is disconnection from our souls and from each other, and thus evolution on both the personal & global level is stunted. According to the authors the solution amounts to a spiritual path: tuning in to our souls via our inner guidance, embracing connectedness over separateness & cooperation over competition, evaluating unconscious beliefs & assumptions, reawakening our critical faculties and deprogramming our minds from control-paradigm propaganda are all crucial to bringing about a paradigm shift.

For me personally, there were no ground-breaking revelations about our world that I gleaned from the book, just page after page of high-quality inspirational writing along with astute observations about the nature of our society that had me nodding along. To give you a taster, here's a quote I picked out:

"As long as we tolerate the strategy of having a paradigm imposed on us..., though we have the power to initiate a new paradigm, we don't exercise it. Instead of flexing our paradigm-shifting powers, we project back onto society's mirror what's already there.

Mesmerized by the images and seeing them multiplied by the millions, we conclude that there's no other way to be: "We have no choice but to behave thus to survive." "We must accept the hard realities of the control-and-dominate model." Ignorant of our power, we follow the patterns, and the thousand reflected images don't change.

That's our situation, personally, culturally, and globally.

Knowing what's happening breaks the mesmerism. Immediately, we're more soul aware, because we name the de-souling dance for what it is. Deep memories begin to stir, and the next control type who expects us to fall in line had better watch out. We're not accepting any paradigm that fails to resonate with the truth we've observed." [p144, Breton & Largent, 1996]

Following are some key thoughts I jotted down whilst reading the book... The current paradigm causes us pain because it denies the validity of our feelings. In our "system roles", i.e. professional life, we are expected to play by the rules - obey authority, keep your feelings to yourself, don't joke around, be serious and, above all, don't let the mask slip. Feelings get in the way. Anything subjective is dangerous; objectivity is safe and dependable. That's why we depend so heavily on rational science to give us answers: scientists are totally objective, passive observers! Their consciousness doesn't influence their results or observations whatsoever! The observer and the observed are entirely separate from one another... aren't they?

Reading the book also helped me to articulate what I feel is lacking when I listen to the mainstream news, go to work, or walk down the street: our society collectively lacks soul. The control paradigm/power elite/Matrix/antichrist consciousness has tried to stamp out our inner life and deny its reality; we are taught that our inner experiences of feelings, desires, thoughts and values are products of - and therefore secondary to - physical processes, so we generally either a) blot out our feelings and those of others around us, or b) because we don't understand the nature of our inner life, we fail to realise that we can take command of it, and thus we are vulnerable to being swept to and fro by the tides of our feelings and impulses. We can only master our inner life by first acknowledging its reality and validity. In fact, Rudolf Steiner founded his entire spiritual philosophy on the premise that the inner life - the realms of soul & spirit - could be studied and observed with the same scientific rigour that we now study the physical world. Materialistic science would find this idea laughable, but then our current approach to science has its own set of unexamined assumptions - its own invisible paradigm.

Inspired by quotes from The Paradigm Conspiracy, I'm actually considering writing a post about our flawed approach to science. In the meantime, perhaps get yourself a copy of this book if my review has piqued your interest.

Ego, Oneness & Individuality

It's common in Eastern-inspired New Age teachings to hear scorn poured upon "the ego", the idea usually being that it's something negative, something to be transcended. You may have noticed that I've referred to the ego in such a way on this very blog. Now, because of what I believe are misunderstandings and misinterpretations, there's been a fair bit of backlash against the concept of ego transcendence - people seem to lack a clear definition of what is meant by ego for a start, plus I'm sure false teachings are deliberately employing the term in a misleading way to distort the meaning and confuse spiritual seekers. For this reason I am giving my perspective on the matter to hopefully add some clarity to a confusing topic.

There appears to be a misconception that "overcoming ego" means merging into a hazy, homogeneous "oneness" or unity consciousness, and thereafter exhibiting no individuality or independent thought. But where did this idea come from?!... Look, if anyone is preaching "oneness" as a kind of sameness, where individuality and healthy diversity are eliminated, RUN A MILE. That's precisely the kind of false oneness the elite/dark forces would like to bring about, in order to squish dissent and have everyone thinking alike (i.e. not thinking, in other words) and blindly serving the same agenda. "We are all one" doesn't mean you accept everything & everyone in your reality uncritically. If it is a literal belief (as opposed to a healthy background awareness that all things are interconnected on a cosmic scale), then you are vulnerable to deception by negative forces, because you probably lack the discernment to know that there are instances when you don't want to be "at one" with certain beings or forces in this world.

Besides, even if you wholeheartedly BELIEVE that "we are all one", it's just a mental concept, it's dogma, without an understanding of what this truly means. It's tiresome to hear it mindlessly bandied about in New Age circles. I myself only properly internalized the concept recently, thanks to Jonathan AKA Adampants (who I keep mentioning in pretty much every post - oops). He explains it thus: the nature of our reality is SCALAR, i.e. it is comprised of different levels which are perceived differently by the conscious entities who inhabit each level. Let me clarify. Atoms are conscious of being individual atoms, whilst simultaneously being conscious of their part in a larger reality - a molecule. Molecules are conscious of being individual molecules whilst also being conscious of being part of a larger entity - a cell. Cells are conscious of being individual cells, but they are simultaneously conscious of being part of a larger reality - a tissue, or indeed, your whole body. On the next level up, human beings are conscious of being individuals, but are generally, er, NOT conscious of being part of a larger reality, that is, GOD. What Jonathan is really saying is that we are cells in the body of God. Just as you see the totality of your cells as "you", God (I don't like that word much these days, but hey) views all human beings as part of itself. (Jonathan builds on this analogy to explain the nature of duality, the consciousness of separation, the existence of evil/the Illuminati, etc. which he likens to a 'cancer consciousness' - all very useful & enlightening stuff, but tangential to the subject at hand.)

Back to the ego. When I hear the term or employ it myself, I mean the separate self, the 'little me' that has usurped your Higher Self and wants to play God in your reality; it wants its own way, it wants to tightly control everything, and it substitutes a false identity (based on your status, possessions, achievements, appearance etc) for your real one. It wants to be better than others but its worst fear is that it is woefully inadequate. It seeks to define itself based on the illusions of the material world. Does any of this sound familiar?! Personally, I'm painfully aware of the fact that there is a force within me that fits this description. By the way, I don't know if it's accurate to portray the ego as a conscious being in its own right - it's probably more like a conglomeration of false ideas and illusions about yourself that you've accumulated over many years, or indeed lifetimes, and which blocks the realization of your true spiritual identity.

This whole topic is complicated further by the fact that some spiritual researchers - namely, Rudolf Steiner - use the term "ego" in a different, but legitimate way. For a while I couldn't get to grips with Steiner's writing because according to his spiritual philosophy, the "I" or Ego is a neutral term, in contrast to the spiritual teachings that I grew up with; to Steiner, Ego is the higher spiritual self that is uniquely possessed by humans, and it's supposed to exercise its will and have dominion over the lower parts of your being, i.e. your physical, astral & etheric bodies. Ego-consciousness in this sense means having the ability to refer to oneself as "I", having awareness of being an individual looking out at the external world and at other people who have their own Egos as well. See, I really don't think Steiner's concept of "ego" is the same as in many other spiritual teachings. We should take into account that he did originally write in German and had no control over others' choice of words when translating his work. Now that I think I've figured out what Steiner is talking about, I can read his stuff and not get stuck on semantics.

In conclusion: I believe it's OK that we experience what Steiner calls ego-consciousness, i.e. individualized self-awareness, at this point in our evolution; but our highest goal is to manifest the Christ consciousness so that we are also aware of being part of something greater, more than just the 'little me' identity that we clothe ourselves in during our everyday lives. In reaching this exalted level of consciousness, we don't leave behind our individuality - rather, we become more ourselves than ever before.

Intermission

Just wanted to apologise for my continued neglect of this blog. If only you knew how many drafts & half-finished posts I've got lined up.......! I promise I'm not just going to quietly disappear - I have much more to say, however sporadic my updates may be. Hang in there. For now, let me explain some of the weirdness that's been going on.

I've been in some sort of transition phase for a while now. It feels like a dark night of the soul, except it ebbs and flows, sometimes more intense and sometimes less, and it has lasted for months. In summer I felt a gentle awakening of kundalini energies and an urge to self-transcend, like I was ready to make a leap forward into a new state of consciousness - and I think I have done that already, though of course, growth never stops. In the last couple of months, all kinds of things have been happening: I felt prompted to begin a new meditation technique which has helped bring about a shift in me; my sense of identity has changed and I've gained confidence and direction in my life; spiritual and personal insights are coming thick and fast; my diet completely changed of its own accord, and chronic ailments are finally healing; I'm reliving and processing negative emotions from the past that I had previously suppressed; out of the blue I was introduced to someone who seems very familiar to me, as if I know them from a past life, and with whom I feel a magnetic connection, though the surrounding circumstances are difficult and I don't know what kind of relationship, if any, I am meant to have with this person. In any case, I feel like our meeting several months ago was the trigger for some of this crazy (but overall positive) stuff that's been going on within me.

So perhaps you can see why, with all this occurring, I haven't had the energy to update my website. It's taken all the energy I can muster just to navigate daily life when I'm feeling like this. ;) Anyway, I'll be properly back soon.

The Illuminati, Part 2

I have been silent for a little while because I'm going through a bit of a spiritual crisis at the moment.... tons of stuff coming up to be worked through and healed, I know it's all for my own good but it hasn't been particularly easy. I'm posting this now as I had already written it anyway and it's about time I gave you something new. This is not so much Part 2 in the sense that it follows on sequentially from Part 1, it's more of an updated version of the previous post given from my current expanded perspective.

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A few years back I started researching conspiracies, secret societies, the so-called 'Illuminati', in a big way. I eagerly scoured the internet and books to find out the details of who was running the world and what they were doing. A lot of truth seekers will have done the same. After a while it got kinda boring... it was fairly depressing and disempowering, and it felt like I was failing to see the wood for the trees. And since I have a natural inclination and ability to perceive the Bigger Picture in any situation, I eventually started to wonder about how all this - the situation we find ourselves in, with the power elite on the one hand and the people they control on the other - fits into the grand scheme of things in terms of consciousness. I don't believe in purely physical conspiracies. What's happening on this planet ultimately concerns the SPIRIT, it's a spiritual phenomenon. And I wanted to be able to put the conspiracy stuff into that context.

And I've had some paradigm-shifting insights into this subject ever since I began pondering it. Some sources that have particularly contributed to my understanding are these teachings, William's site, Revelations of an Elite Insider and now Jonathan's recordings. But most enlightening of all were my observations of how the average person reacts when they become aware of the existence of the power elite and their methods of control. What is the typical reaction?......Anger. Anger and hatred towards this 'evil' cabal. "Illuminati scum!" some cry. Others take personal offence: "How dare they oppress me, try to control my mind and manipulate me!" And some fantasize about the 'Illuminati' coming to a violent demise. "Just kill the bastards, and all our problems will be solved!" ........... Um, no. Sorry. You could remove the physical people (or beings, since some believe they are non-human ;) ) that comprise the elite, and yet fail to manifest peace on earth, because the consciousness that is behind the elite would still exist. In fact, the irony is that wanting to kill or punish the elite is a typical reaction of that very consciousness. Jonathan likens that consciousness to cancer; I've also seen it called the mind of antichrist. Whatever works for you I guess.

Anyway, my point is that if you harbour impure feelings towards the 'evil' beings that run the planet - anger, hatred, vengeance, etc. - then you are part of the problem and not part of the solution. In the aforementioned Q&A session entitled Revelations of an Elite Insider, the alleged insider starkly pointed out the hypocrisy in this kind of attitude (wishing harm on the elite):

"How strange that some of you who talk about love, light and peace are the ones who 2 sentences later cuss and talk about murdering others, smirking about it being soon... Are you sure you are on the "good" side?"

By the way, I don't know if the above is from a legit source; it almost certainly contains disinfo, and whoever is behind it sure gives me creepy vibes - though maybe that makes it more credible...? I quote from it only because there is something intriguingly authentic about it, and it gives insight into the relationship between the elite and the 'masses'. I find that veeery interesting and eye-opening. Jonathan, my new guru ;) also talks about how the elite view us in this audio series; how they can't relate to us, the common folk, due to our lack of occult knowledge and understanding (which they DO have - they just don't have the love or wisdom to know how to apply it in the right way, because they are disconnected from God). Again, very plausible IMO. What I particularly like about Jonathan's teachings is that he actually extends compassion and forgiveness to the Illuminati, even those who have done the worst things conceivable. In true Christ-like fashion he says, "Forgive them for they know not what they do..." Not many other 'aware' people are taking this approach as far as I know. But perhaps all truthseekers should be considering it.

Besides hate and anger, I think a lot of people are secretly/subconsciously envious of the elite. If you had the opportunity to acquire endless wealth and God-like omnipotence for yourself, would you really turn it down? After all, it's typical of the antichrist consciousness to want to feel superior to others and have power over them....and just because you're on a conspiracy forum and you understand the acronym 'NWO' doesn't mean you've overcome the antichrist consciousness.

And that leads me onto my next point: There's another interesting phenomenon I've observed in people who have 'woken up', and Jonathan alludes to this as well, but it's actually been on my mind for a long while. That is, the tendency of so-called truthseekers to actually take on an elitist mindset, for example by branding the unenlightened masses as ignorant sheeple; I've seen people on conspiracy forums ranting about the stupidity of humanity and praying for the apocalypse to come and wipe out all the dumb sheep. Hello?! As far as I can tell, this is pretty much how the elite themselves view humanity at large, and the reason they feel entitled to rule over us: because they believe they are the superior enlightened ones. How many self-proclaimed 'aware' people exhibit this same type of mindset?

I'm not saying I haven't fallen prey to either of these reactions in the past; I have. When my journey down the rabbit hole began, I got mad at those power-hungry pedophiles and Satanists who I thought controlled everything. And I felt more than a little frustrated at the rest of humanity who not only are not aware of the truth, but also, it seems, don't WANT to be aware of it. So yeah, I understand the mentality. I'm just saying, if you stay in that mindset, it will paralyse your spiritual growth and render you powerless to do anything to improve our world situation. The solution is not to engage in some righteous battle against evil. The solution is to connect to love and transcend the battle altogether.

The other aspect of all this which I touched on in Part 1 is the people's need for the elite rulers. Yes, their need. Until people choose to take responsibility for themselves instead of passing the buck onto others, and until they come into alignment with the reality of love & creation (which will negate the need for any human-enforced laws), people will always have a conscious or subconscious reliance on a power elite to govern them and maintain order, however questionable that 'order' might be.